8.12.2014

Miss Mustard Seed

It just printed out, Miss Mustard Seed's diploma. The third high school diploma to be printed out in this home, this family. Three children graduated, four to go. Oh my. Four. to. go. Only God knew those words would be my life's reality one day. When this education of children began so many years ago there were only three children. Then this third child was the baby. Then only lasted two and a half years before there was another baby, another last child. And now? Now there have been three more last children after the fourth child. Once upon a time I would have almost been done with this journey of home education. Once upon a time there would only have been one child left and her almost done with high school work herself. But now? Now we are starting all over, and it is good. But I'm not talking about the extra blessings of the extra three. Today my mind is all over the girl whose name is on this diploma on the printer, Miss Mustard Seed.

Each child chooses a verse to put on their diploma and announcement. This child, her verse says it all. It describes her from the inside out. It tells her tale, reveals her heart. "...Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion?" Esther 4:14. This girl who has the heart of a miracle queen like Esther. The one who chose the name Hadassah, Esther's Hebrew name, to sit beside at a lady's banquet. This girl. She. She is the one. Miss Mustard Seed is the girl turning woman who sees big, longs big, wants to know everything and is willing to forsake all for a cause, her cause. Thankfully, her cause is to love the Lord her God with all of her heart, soul, mind, and strength.

When the diploma printed out I wanted to cry. There is always more mama than instructor in me, always. However, the tears were beat out by a smile, a knowing smile. It is a mama's knowing that makes me smile instead of be hurt by the so what sort of attitude that appeared to be thrown at the creation of her diploma. Why would Miss Mustard Seed get excited about a piece of paper? Why would this third child of mine go against who she has always been to get all happy and involved in something she views as pointless? Seriously? A piece of paper? Why fuss.

Miss Mustard Seed isn't the only one growing up and maturing, this mama is too. Instead of being hurt this mama smiled. I smiled because I know. I know that my girl didn't mean me any harm. She just doesn't understand a mama's heart ~ because she isn't one. Someday, someday this sweet woman child will know. She will understand. She will have her own memories of then and it will be in the middle of her own then that she will know. Because she will know, she will smile. And her smile? It will be just like my own now. It will be quiet, peaceful, and full of a mama's love. Until the time Miss Mustard Seed smiles her own knowing smile, this mama will keep on loving and thanking God for this girl woman, a gift from God. And I'll smile a mama's knowing smile. I can't help it really. I love my girl, and this love, it makes me smile.

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