A New, Clutter-Free Thing

For several years I have been burdened for Christian marriages and the state of disrespect and dishonor so many are in.  One day my grief over this was so intense that my own dear family wasn't receiving the care they ought.  Interceding, yet still needing a release from the heaviness, I began to write.  The following letter is the result of this time spent baring my heart to an unseen sister in Christ. This letter is written to any woman of God who might find herself outside of God's will within her home. Please know that all of us periodically find ourselves in need of extending more love to those in our homes. The intent of the following letter is not to hurt, judge, or condemn but to heal by drawing us all closer to the Father's heart and desire.  It is with a sincere heart and sisterly love that I have written. As your sister in Christ, I pray the following verses for you. "[For I always pray to] the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, that He may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation [of insight into mysteries and secrets] in the [deep and intimate] knowledge of Him, by having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints (His set-apart ones), and [so that you can know and understand] what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe, as demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His [own] right hand in the heavenly [places]." Ephesians 1:17-20

Dear Sister in Christ,

How I long to visit with you face to face. How I long to share my heart with you. To pass on the lessons I have already learned so that you can be set free to embrace who Christ means for you to be. Knowing that freedom is so close yet at the same time so horribly far from you brings grief to my heart. My sister, my friend, if only I could take you aside and gently impart loving counsel, but alas, this I cannot do until the Holy Spirit guides my way to yours.

If freedom to actively embrace the truth of God in your life is to be grasped by you, the ear of your spirit must be open and attentive to whatever loving counsel the Heavenly Father sends, no matter how hard His truth may be to hear. To watch you struggle and strive all the while knowing a better way is so hard, so very, very hard. My grief is intensified even greater because I know that inside of your heart the truth is already known. Yes, my dear sister, you know the truth. Yet even though you know it, you refuse to follow the Loving Lord and submit to HIS path of freedom. Stubbornness and rebellion are the bedfellows who make your choices for you.

There are loved ones who unknowingly, definitely unintentionally, encourage acts of disobedience to the Father. This is hardest of all to see and know. I know these loved ones who are training and leading you down paths of disrespect and attitudes of sin would never purposefully cause you to sin.  In spite of their loving hearts, they have done so and continue to. Somehow, it must be stopped before a pattern of sin is passed down to another generation.

Even now, your children are already walking in this path which destroys.

Oh, dear sister in Christ, such sorrow is mine. If only, if only, yes, if only. If only there were an easy way to fix this for you. If only I could set things to right behind the scenes of your life without your knowing. If only I were sure of what to do, but I'm not. To interfere in the lives of others concerning such a serious, all encompassing matter can not be done haphazardly nor rashly. Such actions must be bathed in prayer. Time must be spent interceding before the throne of grace. My heart must be especially certain of the Father's desire in this. Future as well as current generations will be influenced. I cannot simply waltz into your life and slap a bunch of words at you. Every word must come straight from God. No other way will do.

To care can be a terribly difficult, painful thing to do. Do not despair. Neither allow yourself to fret. God is God, and He is good. His truth will always prevail. Many facts may present themselves before you. Just remember they are only that---facts. The truth of God's Word always trumps mere facts---always. Never forget the Father's love and care for you. If He didn't care and love so deeply, He'd leave us where we are. However, because He does love and care far beyond our comprehending, He sent His truth to set us free.(John 8:31,32; Romans 8:2)

Free from what? Free from any and every thing that holds us captive. Free from every bondage, free from all our fears and doubts, free from those little habits of sin that if left untended add up to mountains of evil destruction. Free, my dear friend, free. Please open the ear of your heart and hear the Father. Please bow your entire being before Him and allow His Word of truth to transform you by the renewing of your mind. Rebuke and release your former way of thought. Forbid yourself from speaking as you once did. Stir up the gift of God inside of you and walk as He has taught you in His Word---not as others around you say---as HE has already said. He loves you. He has a good plan to prosper you, not to harm you. To give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Train yourself to follow His ways and walk in His love, not just with those outside your house, but in your home most of all.

 The treatment of your husband is what I write of. The words you speak and the actions you take towards your husband are to be an example of the words and actions of the church towards Christ. (Ephesians 5:22-24,33) Would you speak to Jesus the way you do your man? Would Christ be treated the way your husband is when he is home? Are your children being taught and trained to honor their Heavenly Father by the way you honor their earthly one? I pray it so. I pray that your home is a shining light of God's love, and that Christ is worshipped by His love you bestow on these that you love.

I won't lie to you or sugar coat things. Honoring and preferring another over ourselves will be hard work. Perhaps the hardest, most difficult work of your life thus far. Neither will I lie about the results. They may not appear as quickly as you would like them to . Things didn't get into this condition overnight; nor, aside from a miraculous work of God (which is possible) will they improve overnight either. Repairing and rebuilding the walls of love while tearing down those of pride, pain, and mistrust can seem like a never-ending nightmare. However, remaining faithful and persevering with all diligence in great determination will bring about marvelous rewards. It's amazing how unexpectedly these rewards seem to appear. They are usually far beyond our wildest imaginings and dreams. Why are we surprised? Isn't that how our Father works?(Ephesians 3:20) 

The question I have for you, dear sister is this…How much do you Love your Heavenly Father?

Enough to lay ALL of you down in surrender to His will? Enough to honestly die to yourself that He might live? even in your home? ESPECIALLY in your home. Enough that if necessary you will forsake all words and habits that aren't the words and habits of your Heavenly Father? Even if that means cleaning the house and disciplining your children in firm, consistent, yet gentle love? Even if that means refusing to dishonor the husband God designed specifically, just for you in even the tiniest way? Even if that means standing up to or removing yourself and children from others who practice and speak disrespect towards your husband? Even if those others are your closest friends and loved ones?

There are missions for the Kingdom of God that only you and your husband can do. There are people who are waiting to hear of the Father's love that will hear it best from your husband, you, and your children. Are you training yourself and your children to honor this man so that your family can minister in Kingdom work? Or are you listening to all of the "chatter" and chaos you have surrounded yourself with instead? Whose words do you hold dearest? Those of your Heavenly Father and husband or those of others?

There should be a glad quickening in your heart at the mention of your husband's name. Is there? Do you delight in his presence? If not, the problem isn't with "that husband of yours", or the children, or your house, or your vehicle, or school, or any other area of your life. The problem is with you.

With God ALL things are possible. This you already know.

What are you going to do with this truth?

How long will you continue to listen to and allow others around you to insult, put down, and completely disrespect your husband, the man God has lovingly commanded you to respect, reverence, notice, regard, honor, prefer, venerate, esteem, defer to, praise, love, and admire exceedingly(Ephesians 5:33) and do nothing? maybe even join in?

Dearest sister, when this time on earth is said and done and you stand before the Heavenly Father He is NOT going to ask you what type of husband you had. Neither is He going to inquire as to whether or not you wanted children, nor as to when you wanted them. You will give an account to Almighty God for the wife you were and how you received the rewards (children) He blessed you with. He has given us everything we need to minister His love.(2 Peter 1:3) With Him all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26,Mark 9:23,Mark 14:26, Luke 18:27)

What did you do with Jesus in your home?

Yes, a husband is merely human and therefore imperfect. He will make mistakes. At various times you will be hurt by his words, actions, or the lack thereof. Remember, your husband too will answer to the Father for what he has said and done. Are you making it easy for your husband to nourish and carefully protect and cherish you(Ephesians 5:29) or are you self-focused giving no thought to the responsibilities your husband faces as priest of the home? If you desire a more considerate, gentle love from your husband, maybe you should exhibit a more loving spirit of gentleness towards him. 1 Corinthians 13:5 reminds us that God's love in us is not rude or unmannerly and does not act unbecomingly.

Comparison between our home and that of other families much not be made.

When we compare our life to that of others, we always find another life and home in worse condition than ours.  Viola! An excuse for us not to change is found. This is not the Lord's way. He leads us along paths of His choosing, not those of our own understanding and making. His ways cannot be understood with the human mind or seen with the human eye.(Isaiah 55:8,9) His answers are given to those who walk in absolute faith and assurance of His loving kindness and goodness and to those who are willing to die to everything they know and believe and begin building anew on the foundation of His Word.

The questions in this letter are not meant to discourage or condemn, quite the contrary. They are set forth to shine towards the way of freedom in Christ. For you see, dear one in Christ, our Father knows our frame that it is but dust. (Psalm 103:14) He knows of our stubbornness and pride. That is why He provided a salvation that covers every area of our lives, even marriage and the home. It is from these very sins that Jesus died to set us free. Free to love as God loves. Free to live for him in our homes. Free to shine His light so brightly in our families that it spills out onto those passing by.

The thing is, God's way won't make sense. It will appear as if following God's instructions and leading will take you in the opposite direction of your dreams...

...but it won't. Somehow, I don't know how, when we finally make the move of complete surrender in an area that we have held onto, The Heavenly Father brings us into our dreams and desires so smoothly and perfectly we are surprised to be there. It's truly amazing, but hey, it's God, and God is amazing.

The path of Love and marriage is filled with many distractions. Why? because marriage is the physical testimony of Christ and the church to those around us.(Eph. 5) As goes marriage, so goes the church; it could go the other way around too I guess. As goes the church, so goes marriage. Either way, it's about believers surrendering their wills and ambitions and living out the Father's. I guess that brings us back around to the original question: How much do you love God, your Heavenly Father? Are you willing to obey Him in your marriage and home?

Are you willing to honor the vows of the covenant between God, your husband, and yourself by "forsaking all others cling only to each other so long as you both shall live"?(marriage vows) and those commandments given in Ephesians chapters four and five? "I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, appeal to and beg you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the [divine] calling to which you have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God's service, living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another. Be eager and strive earnestly to guard and keep the harmony and oneness of [and produced by] the Spirit in the binding power of peace." vs. 1-4 of chpt. 4

"Rather, let our lives lovingly express truth [in all things, speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly]. Enfolded in love, let us grow up in every way and in all things into Him Who is the Head, [even] Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). For because of Him the whole body (the church, in all its various parts), closely joined and firmly knit together by the joints and ligaments with which it is supplied, when each part [with power adapted to its need] is working properly [in all its functions], grows to full maturity, building itself up in love." vs. 15 chpt. 4

"Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it." vs. 29 "Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father]. And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God [for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance. Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency) nor foolish and sinful (silly and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming, but instead voice your thankfulness [to God]. Let no one delude and deceive you with empty excuses and groundless arguments [for these sins], for through these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of rebellion and disobedience. So do not associate or be sharers with them. For once you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of Light [lead the lives of those native-born to the Light]. For the fruit (the effect, the product) of the Light or the Spirit [consists] in every form of kindly goodness, uprightness of heart, and trueness of life. And try to learn [in your experience] what is pleasing to the Lord [let your lives be constant proofs of what is most acceptable to Him]." verses in chapter four and five. There are so many more verses to instruct us in our relationships and living in the rest of chapter five. The verses on marriage are there as well. A person could study and study and still find more truth to learn. The Amplified Bible brings out a lot of detail and further meaning.

It has been with great "fear and trembling" I have written this letter. If it were not for the Father's great love, I would have remained silent. His love for you is too great for that dear sister in Jesus. So I have written my heart to you. Now I pray that I have written only what the Father would have me to, and that it can be understood.

I too am in the process of daily walking out the Father's love in my own home. The victories are precious and sweet. I can wholeheartedly testify that victories, though hard fought, are much greater than the difficulties have been. Compared to the victories, the hard times seem insignificant. Believe me, at the time, our struggles seemed FAR from insignificant. Are the blessings of obedience worth years of hardship? Yes! Not wanting to give sin any more credit than it deserves, I will tell of the greatness of God; that He has transformed our home. We're all far from perfect, but Hallelujah! we're no longer where we used to be!

Throughout the early years of our marriage, the way I lived in my home wasn't always sinful. In fact, many days it was godly. Many days were spent in complete peace and loving kindness. I spent hours ministering out of our home and in the church both. Yet inside my heart I harbored fear and mistrust of my husband for pain the enemy had used him to cause. I was saved, Spirit-filled, and had a heart for God. I ministered to any and every one. Yet I still allowed a wall of hurt to erect itself and completely twist my thinking.  I'm ashamed to even admit this now, but once, after a particularly intense time of crying out to God and pleading with Him to somehow help me endure what must surely have been a mistake(remember, my thinking was warped), the Holy Spirit asked me a quick, little question. After I had cried and cried to exhaustion, He quietly asked "If this marriage is a mistake then how come the enemy is working so hard to destroy it?" WHAM! Immediately the light of truth dawned and revealed the lie I had been believing. One small question brought a house of lies crashing down.

Oh to be able to say that only one lie of the enemy had to be brought to light. What a pleasure that would be, but nope, there have been others. Guess what? There may be more. No matter how many come our way, I know that I know that I know God loves me. His loving care towards me is perfect, and as I surrender more fully to Him and obey His Word completely, His love will continue to expose the false for the true. As a result, our marriage will continue to grow and develop into a beautiful miracle. For this I am unspeakably thankful. Everytime I choose to love God and His Word more than I love my own thoughts & ideas, God takes our marriage to another level of Love that I wouldn't have dreamt possible.

Even after my breakthrough, I would still sometimes wonder if marriage should really be this much work. Honestly, should it really be this hard? Am I missing it somewhere? What am I doing wrong? What horrible, awful sin is hiding in my heart that makes it so difficult? Once more, the Lord gently revealed in His own way how absolutely, positively this marriage between my beloved and I is His perfect plan. He also showed me that our marriage is under intense attack from the enemy of our souls, regularly. The enemy knows what we do for the Kingdom of God when my husband and I are in total alignment with each other and God's Word. The enemy also knows that when my husband and I are working in unison with each other and God, the kingdom of darkness sustains great damage. He will do everything possible to prevent the Good News of Jesus Christ from spreading.

As we come to the end of this letter dear sister, I pray that you have heard the Lord's heart for your marriage.  That if this letter was for you, if you need to alter the way you speak to and treat your husband, that you will do so.  Please don't delay.  Christ's return is very soon.  We are to be preparing to be Christ's very own beloved Bride, holy and faultless (Eph. 5:27) The example our marriages are to the world is vitally important.  We must protect and guard our marriages at all cost.  The witness of Christ and the church MUST NOT BE COMPROMISED. Our marriages must be Spirit-filled and lined up with Love. (1 John 4:7,8) As easy as it is for us women to do, we must not listen to or be led by our feelings and emotions.  A former pastor of mine once said "We must be merciful with everyone around us and ruthless with ourselves." This is true now more than ever.

Evil seems to abound around us.  However, we can take comfort in the Word of God which tells us that when the enemy comes in, like a flood the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him and put him to flight. (Isaiah 59:19 - most versions of the Bible have an incorrect comma placement on this verse and read "When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him and put him to flight."  Either way, the Spirit of the Lord is getting rid of the enemy--YEA!!!)  Take courage for WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE even a loving, godly marriage and a peaceful home that shines the light of God to a sin-darkened world. 

Grace (God's undeserved favor) be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with undying and incorruptible [love]. Amen (so let it be). (Eph. 6:24)